Immediately after a break up, the strong desire is usually there to get back with your ex. It is more so if you did not initiate the break up.

Everybody is different, but common feelings are those of depression. There are some things you can do at this stage, to try to get your ex back. But there are some things you might do that will drive your ex even further away, even though you are trying to get back with them.

Sometimes the advice you get is to follow your heart. To do what your instincts tell you. Now, I am certainly not here to try to tell you what to do. Decide, and then be responsible for what you do.

However, my advice, which you can take or leave, is to consider doing exactly the opposite of what your instincts tell you to do for a period of time. Before you call me crazy, hear me out.

Perhaps you feel like calling your ex to talk things through. Perhaps you feel, because you are depressed, that you should stay inside all day and stay away from people because you are not good company and you don’t want to bother your friends. No and No.

Instead, consider the following:

This is really a break up. Look, the situation is beyond that point at this stage, whether you like it or not. Ultimately you might be able to get back with your ex, but for now you need to simply accept that you are in the middle of a break up.

Whether or not you reconcile, you need to go through the process of accepting that things have come to this point. And your ex needs the benefit of a similar process. You will get in the right frame of mind for a reconciliation if you both go through this and realize that there is a bond worth rescuing. You must go through this process, and do so apart from your ex. It is a time to consider options. Accept the reality of the current circumstances. At that juncture it is the time to consider future moves.

A time of no communication is beneficial. Let us face facts. You broke up as a result of past communications. Different behaviours are necessary in the future to achieve reconciliation. Stay away and don’t communicate – at least for a cooling-off period.

Get out with your friends. Do not be afraid to let them know you are depressed and need their support, but be open to relaxing and having fun. Nobody likes people who are down all the time. But everybody understands that their friends go through times when they need support. I believe we all have many acquaintances, and some of those are good friends. This is the time to find out who your real friends are. You will find that some are “fair weather” friends, who are only there for you when times are good and you are fun to be around. But you will also find out who your true friends are. These are the ones who are there to support you in bad times as well as good times. Cherish this information, and remember it is a two way street. These people should be here for you and support you. Only in times of real difficulty do you find out who your real friends are. But it is invaluable to know. Enjoy their real friendship, and depend on them now. Record who the not so genuine friends are as well.

So you see that you can put the terrible time immediately after a break up to good use. Recharge the batteries, validate your real friends, and take time for accepting the current predicament. From there, you have solid ground from which to attempt reconciliation.

The author operates a Get Your Ex Back resource website.